Stress Less & Resolutions
It's 10pm and i'm eating dinner. The Sam of 2017 would have gone to bed hungry before eating at 10pm.
Today, I woke up and looked at my under eyes, no signs of bags. The Sam of 2017 would have woken up and immediately looked at her stomach, signs of abs.
I ran in 20 degree weather. Sam of 2017 would have skipped, been miserable all day, and planned some unrealistic overachiever workout for the weekend (which would drive her fiance to kill her.) Instead I just cut it short (hello wind chill factor) and grabbed a coffee at the new spot that opened up in my building (Indie Food & Wine).
I ate corn chips today - because they were the only vehicle for guacamole and guacamole = avocado = healthy fats = what I need right now because of training. The Sam of 2017 would have skipped the chips, put some guac on her taco (which she would have eaten without the tortilla), binged after lunch because of the need for a sugar high of sorts, broken out because of said binging, and spent the next 327837298 days of elimination diets to figure out what <<malted barley/dextrose/carrageenan/insert nebulous/overused ingredient here>> broke me out.
I swam for 25 minutes tonight, hardly long enough to get my heart rate up but fulfilling enough to feel strong, to feel the glide, to decompress from the day. The Sam of 2017 would have skipped the swim because she was at the office too late, because that would mean swimming late, eating late, going to bed late, and a vicious cycle of feeling unaccomplished, overworked and overstressed.
So here we are, reflecting on the Sam of yesteryear like "new Sam, who dis?" (for the record, I absolutely detest the usage of that phrase on social media). I'm drinking a glass of wine (2017's sam would be drinking her way to a tiresome sleep, fueled with vats of hot chamomile tea, lavender oil and maybe even some Nyquil).
But honestly, I'm eating dinner because I'm hungry. I probably won't go to bed for another 2 hours which is plenty of time to digest a beautiful bowl of arugula, olives, grilled chicken, sweet potato and walnuts. I'll wake up and my abs will still be there, because late consumption of something perfectly good for you does not equal overnight "unfit" ness and certainly it doesn't erase abs. I'll also wake up rested, because I went through my day without stressing over every little thing. Sure I got out of a doctor's appointment a little later, but none of my work suffered. It just meant working a little later. OK, I ate 10 corn chips. And OMG I didn't die. In fact, maybe they were the reason behind why I felt the strongest in the water I've felt in a year? And sure, I didn't get to swim for 40 minutes like I planned to, but 25 minutes is better for the heart (and the training, and the soul) than none at all.
Tonight I'll sleep soundly knowing I did everything I wanted to at whatever moment of want there was throughout my day, albeit slightly behind schedule (but then again, same Sam who dis?). I'll also get into bed an hour before I want to fall asleep. I'll call my fiance to say goodnight (long distance, y'all!) WAY before I am actually putting my head to the pillow so that we're not having a rushed conversation because I'm stressed about going to bed. I'll then put my phone in a different room and read my book for 20 minutes until I'm sleepy.
THIS is what works for me. Going into 2018, I didn't want to let small things stress me out. In November and December I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. My building partly to blame with construction and lights, my mind wholly to blame because of the inner monologue (sometimes even dialogue). I was lethargic. I was irritable. I wasn't myself.
I want to enjoy the moments, enjoy the mornings, train smarter (fewer days of training but more concentrated days OF training), rediscover my "apples" (the apples of my cheeks which my mom and I both noticed have been long gone for some time. running? stress? who's the culprit?), consume less and waste less, BE ON TIME and follow through with commitments (two things that were always at risk because of my STRESSED OUT SELF when it came to getting in my workout or eating by a certain time). I also want to "use my hands" to make something - a book, food, maybe I'll start painting? (Are you getting stressed yet)? I won't pay for what I can do myself (saving for a wedding, people!), and I'm trying to swap coffee for more juice (juice that I make myself, because see: aforementioned resolution).
Bottom line - I'm slowly rediscovering the things that make me and have always made me genuinely happy by not stressing out about doing them. I'm just doing them, simple as that.
Ok, gotta go. Time to check out the epic nighttime beauty product that just arrived that I hear Kate Middleton uses. Because some things you just can't make yourself :)